Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Blogging Under Protest

I cannot believe I got talked into this. Why can’t I say no to those two? Why are they the only people in the whole of existence with whom my brooding “piss off” glare does not work? I swear if I hear “It will be good for you, James,” or “I don’t think one small favor is too much to ask now, is it?” one more time…

Confused you? Can’t say I’m exactly sorry about that. I’m James. James Edwards, and no I’m not related to Elyssa Edwards though I do happen to know where she has the bodies buried. That was a joke, Jae. A joke. I find I have to explain my jokes to some people because they think I take myself way too seriously. I do. If I didn’t, who the hell else would?

Anyway, the reason you are currently listening/reading me bitch and moan is because the two main females in my life have pressed me into writing this blog. One of them you know or you wouldn’t be reading this. Jacqueline Roth or Jae as most people call her. I call her a nosey pain in my arse. But that’s another story.

You see Jae has this little bit of leverage over me that gets me to do what she wants me to do. She knows everything about me, and I do mean EVERYTHING. She has this massive delusion that she “created” me. It’s total sh— er…crap, but when I argue with her she starts writing down more things about me that I really would rather not have the world know.

But Jae and I have come to a truce. I’ll play nice—most of the time—and she makes sure certain elements of my life don’t get into the hands of people who could make my life even more miserable. Then there is the fact that I sort of owe her. She introduced me to the one person in this screwed up world who actually matters to me. Leah. She’s the other one I can’t seem to win an argument with.

So Jae and Leah double team me tonight and tell me I should take a turn at writing a blog. I don’t even keep a blasted journal, why would I want to keep a blog? What would I possibly have to say to people? I don’t like people as a general rule. Besides, Jae pretty much told you all that’s fit to print about me in that massive invasion of my privacy she calls Access Denied. If we had lawyers in Sanctuary you can bet your arse I’d be figuring out a way to sue her and those people at Cerridwen Press for putting my damned business out there for everyone else to see.

But in the end, the two of them have me by the ba— you get my meaning. If I argue Jae pulls up a blank word doc and flexes her fingers. Then Leah turns those amazing green eyes of hers on me and I’m done for.

I’m a push over where my Leah is concerned, but I’m not stupid. Leah said I had to write at least 500 words and she said it in that “teacher voice” of hers. I’m at 548 right now. Who knew I could manage to do this without really doing anything but crabbing about having to write the blog?

Oh and Jae, the rest of the guys had better have to do this too, or I’m going to be really pissed.
Author's Note:
Dear James,
Thank you, darlin', for doing this. I guess your warm, fuzzy, gooey side is safely hidden away for a bit longer. Now, now. Blackmail is such an ugly word. But not as ugly as "sequel".


Jenny Beans said...

Did someone say sequel?????????

James, it's been awhile, but I'm glad to hear your voice. Take Jae seriously. She's told me some of your secrets, and honestly, I'd want to keep them under lock and key. ;)

Molly Daniels said...

I love you, James:) See? That wasn't so hard! Say hi to Leah for me:)

anny cook said...

Howdy, James! Good job!

KellyMarstad said...

Fabulous! I love it when a man knows he's suckered. Can't wait to see more!

Sandra Cox said...

Great blog James and Jae. And I love the word sequel........