Thursday, January 22, 2009

Dear Dr. Spock

Dear Dr. Spock or other human puppy doctors,

My name is George and I have a problem. My alpha dog, also known as Momma, recently brought home a human puppy. She says it’s ours and it does sort of smell like the alpha and beta dogs, but no one here witnessed the birth, even the dachshund who has upstairs privileges. I’ve been here longer and don’t have them but that’s another letter. If I mention it Momma just brings up the unfortunate “George ate the soap” incident and harps on how gross it is to step in wet, suddsie doggie vomit in the middle of the night on the way to the bathroom.

Anyway, so assuming the human puppy is ours, that means it’s a part of our pack. The problem, human puppy doctor, is that I can’t figure out why we need it? I mean, I have a job. I point things and watch out the window for things to point out to my Momma in case she wants to hunt them. Shiloh has a job, she guards the house from things like planes and trains which we can hear but not see. Wendell has a job. He guards the upstairs at night and says he protects Momma. I’ve never seen any of these robbers and monsters he’s always saying he drives off in sheer terror, but hey, I’m not there so maybe he does. Gracie, well she says her job is to be a companion; to sit on laps and make people happy. Sounds like a stupid job to me, but it’s a job. Shucks, even Green Bird, who isn’t a dog, has a job. He mimics the sound of the house alarm chime so the Momma doesn’t forget what it sounds like and squawks every morning. He says if he doesn’t the sun won’t come up. I’ve heard it’s better to humor the delusional.

That brings me to the new human puppy. What exactly is thing supposed to do? It’s getting a lot of food and a lot of the alpha and beta dogs’ time but it doesn’t “do” anything. It howls but I can’t figure out what it’s supposed to mean. It’s not howling at doorbells or trains or planes or people on the street or cars or even the moon.

Wendell says when it howls at night, the Momma gets up and goes to feed it and pet it. How unfair is that? When we howl at night Momma yells for us to shut up. Do you think we get food, no way!

So I was wondering if someone could explain to me what exactly this human puppy is supposed to be doing and why we need one.

George the Brittany

George has been rather pensive since the baby’s arrival. We adopted George from the local animal shelter and he has been the most amazing dog. He had been turned in by his owners who said they couldn’t afford to take care of him any longer. Of late we are wondering if the reason his owners turned him over to animal control may have been to do with the birth of a child.

George has always been Mr. Laid-Back and hasn’t blinked as each new pup was added to our family. But since the baby’s arrival he has been nervous and clingy, even to my SO whom George does not recognize as having any pack status at all. In George’s mind, the beta dog is not supposed to even drive him places. The last time that happened he projectile decorated the back seat of the car. If my SO arrives home first, George remains at the kitchen window awaiting me. If I’m home first, George relinquishes his post.


Jenny Beans said...

Poor George. The new human puppy has a greater purpose in his life than he could even grasp. As the human puppy grows, I have a feeling he may take to him as a companion. The curiosity itself is indication that he wants to be a part of whatever is going on with the little one. Hoping he adjusts well and the two of them become great friends when Z is ready for someone to pull him around the linoleum and tiled floors on a blanket sled... :D

Anny Cook said...

Yep, I think George might take up with Z just fine in a few months. Even better in about three years when they can become bosom companions.

disa said...