Rules of Toddlerhood

To my Momma:

Now that I have become a full-fledged toddler there are some rules than need to change around here. According to the laws of toddlerhood the following are now in effect:

1. If I want it, it’s mine.

2. If I can reach it, it’s not my fault if I play with it.

3. If you forget to lock the water and ice dispenser on the refrigerator, it is not my fault if I flood the kitchen.

4. What’s good for the dogs is good for me. This includes playing in the water bowl, crawling under the desk and chewing on things.

5. Those mashed vegetables you fed me that I gobbled down happily? Yeah, those days are gone.

6. Just because I ate it yesterday does not mean I will ever eat it again.

7. Meal time just became a much longer ordeal. I will eat with my fingers, my spoon and take my sweet time doing it. Have the drop cloth and the hose ready.

8. Remember how excited you were by each sound I made? The volume and pitch just went way up.

9. I reserve the right to express my feelings freely regardless of where we are or who is watching.

10. In toddlerhood, no means not right this second. It does not apply to the same action thirty seconds later.

11. If the television is on, it is my choice what we watch. Thomas and Friends and Curious George come before Law and Order marathons.

12. Safety gates are not there to protect me but are instruments of imprisonment meant to foil my plans. Be warned this means I have the right to try anything possible to over come them including shaking them, climbing them, biting them or throwing myself at them while I scream.

13. Any direction prefaced with the words “Do not” will immediately become my priority, only without the “Do not” part.

14. I have two speeds, full and stop. Have your running shoes ready.

15. All offenses are immediately forgiven with a hug and smile.