Some People Need to Chill

This picture came from one of my favorite sites, www.ihasahotdog.com . I can always count on this site to cheer me up. Like the LOL cats' site, this one features pictures captioned by site members. Last night I got very excited because this picture popped up on page one of the site. You see, it's mine. Well, I captioned it. You have to caption the pics and people vote on them, then the most popular make the main page. I was thrilled.

Then I read the comments, or rather one comment. Super mommy left a comment about how this was terrible because no dog should ever be left alone with a baby because all dogs can become aggressive and attack babies and this was not funny and how dare anyone make it seem funny.

My response? Get over yourself, lady. Obviously the baby wasn't "left alone" with this dog. Who do you think took the picture? The camera fairy? Oh, I know, the dog figured out the timer option on the camera and snapped away himself. What a dumbass.

Secondly, only a fool leaves an infant alone with a dog. Yes, the motions and noises of an infant/toddler are very close "prey behavior" and even the most gentle and well trained dog can cause injuries to a baby. Even me, who loves my dogs to distraction, would never leave my son alone with them. Not even Wendell.

Third, just because a dog is big, as a mastiff is, doesn't make it a bully breed or a naturally more aggressive dog. I'd honestly be more apprehensive about a chihuahua than that Neapolitan mastiff. But I'd still not leave the baby alone. I raised a rottweiler. Rotties are one of the "bully breeds" that have strong personalities. We raised him to be submissive. He was low man on the totem pole and didn't even dare retrieve his tennis ball if it rolled too close to my 18lb. pug. She was queen and he knew it.

Finally, this site is not a dog training site. It is not a parental advice site. No one is getting their parenting or dog training information from I has a hotdog.com. The site is entertainment. It is funny, cute and supposed to make you smile. So take the super mommy stick out of your backside and lighten up. If you take such things so seriously, why are you on this site?

That leads me to the "Mothers that take themselves too seriously" topic which I'm not going to tackle today. I'm reading a rather controversial book right now about that topic and I absolutely agree with the writer that some people think they and their approach to parenting are one step removed from the ten commandments. We'll talk about that another time.

So take a chill pill folks. Somethings are not meant to be dissected, taken seriously or even considered beyond a brief chuckle. There is enough in life that we have to take seriously. Why are you adding to the pile?

A short one

Just a short shout of celebration as I'm updating from work at the moment.

Z slept through the night!

Z has outgrown his Moses basket that has been his bed the past two months. Two nights ago we had to put him in his crib for the first time. He woke up every twenty minutes...and so did mom. But last night I ignored the rules. He can't roll over yet so I put a couple of rolled blankets to either side of him and swaddled him good. He slept all night.

Hurray for 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep!

Dear Dr. Spock

Dear Dr. Spock or other human puppy doctors,

My name is George and I have a problem. My alpha dog, also known as Momma, recently brought home a human puppy. She says it’s ours and it does sort of smell like the alpha and beta dogs, but no one here witnessed the birth, even the dachshund who has upstairs privileges. I’ve been here longer and don’t have them but that’s another letter. If I mention it Momma just brings up the unfortunate “George ate the soap” incident and harps on how gross it is to step in wet, suddsie doggie vomit in the middle of the night on the way to the bathroom.

Anyway, so assuming the human puppy is ours, that means it’s a part of our pack. The problem, human puppy doctor, is that I can’t figure out why we need it? I mean, I have a job. I point things and watch out the window for things to point out to my Momma in case she wants to hunt them. Shiloh has a job, she guards the house from things like planes and trains which we can hear but not see. Wendell has a job. He guards the upstairs at night and says he protects Momma. I’ve never seen any of these robbers and monsters he’s always saying he drives off in sheer terror, but hey, I’m not there so maybe he does. Gracie, well she says her job is to be a companion; to sit on laps and make people happy. Sounds like a stupid job to me, but it’s a job. Shucks, even Green Bird, who isn’t a dog, has a job. He mimics the sound of the house alarm chime so the Momma doesn’t forget what it sounds like and squawks every morning. He says if he doesn’t the sun won’t come up. I’ve heard it’s better to humor the delusional.

That brings me to the new human puppy. What exactly is thing supposed to do? It’s getting a lot of food and a lot of the alpha and beta dogs’ time but it doesn’t “do” anything. It howls but I can’t figure out what it’s supposed to mean. It’s not howling at doorbells or trains or planes or people on the street or cars or even the moon.

Wendell says when it howls at night, the Momma gets up and goes to feed it and pet it. How unfair is that? When we howl at night Momma yells for us to shut up. Do you think we get food, no way!

So I was wondering if someone could explain to me what exactly this human puppy is supposed to be doing and why we need one.

Sincerely,
George the Brittany

George has been rather pensive since the baby’s arrival. We adopted George from the local animal shelter and he has been the most amazing dog. He had been turned in by his owners who said they couldn’t afford to take care of him any longer. Of late we are wondering if the reason his owners turned him over to animal control may have been to do with the birth of a child.

George has always been Mr. Laid-Back and hasn’t blinked as each new pup was added to our family. But since the baby’s arrival he has been nervous and clingy, even to my SO whom George does not recognize as having any pack status at all. In George’s mind, the beta dog is not supposed to even drive him places. The last time that happened he projectile decorated the back seat of the car. If my SO arrives home first, George remains at the kitchen window awaiting me. If I’m home first, George relinquishes his post.

Hodgpodge

There can be no doubt that the average man blames much more than he praises. His instinct is to blame. If he is satisfied he says nothing; if he is not, he most illogically kicks up a row. ~Arnold Bennett

I’ve been unsettled by some things I’ve read on blogs targeted at writers and publishers lately. The nature of a blog is that it is one person’s, or a group of persons’, opinions. My grandfather used to say that opinions were like …well, he was known to be a bit crude so let’s just say “noses”…everyone has one and a lot of the time they smell. But everyone is free to have one and make as much of a stink about their opinion as they like.

What is sad is when a group of individuals who are supposed to be articulate cannot find ways to express those opinions without resorting to the lowest common denominator and becoming crass and crude while attacking others in personal ways. We are writers, wordsmiths. We are supposed to be able to create coherent utterances and frame logical arguments. We do not need to get nastily personal or start flinging insults at people because we disagree with them professionally or because we don’t like what they’ve written.

That’s just my own humble opinion.

On the work front:

I discovered that I do get to stay at my school. Enough of the folks with more experience (who would have thought 8 years wasn’t enough to begin with) are leaving that I can stay. That having been said, it won’t be easy. We are dealing with a run-down building, larger class sizes (the state just upped our sizes due to budget constraints), teaching multiple subjects and grade levels. It won’t be easy and our principal has warned us that we won’t be able to complain when he comes to us and tells us we have two, three or even four different subjects/grades next year.



Well, on the mommy front:


Z is now a whopping 9lbs and 4 oz. That’s over two pounds since he was discharged from the hospital so I know we’re feeding him enough. He’s grown and is at 22.5” now.

The bad news from the doctor is that Z has colic and acid reflux. He cried for my SO, he cried for the nurse, he cried for the doctor. When we told the doctor he’ll sometimes cry almost all day with little catnaps, the doctor said, that wasn’t colic. The other questions we’d written down to ask led him to realize Z had acid reflux. He’s given him baby Zantac and said the gas drops and the herbal remedy were right on target only we should be giving him both about six times a day, alternating them in his bottles. I’m not sure yet if it’s helping, the only guarantee seems to be holding him. If Momma is holding him, he’s okay. He sleeps through mass for Momma. The only problem I have is if I put him down.

And he doesn’t cry himself out. He’ll cry nonstop for hours. I’m not kidding or exaggerating.

Samuel 1:27 “For this child I prayed; and the LORD has given me my petition which I asked of him:” And despite the minor problems we praise him and thank him for the granting of our petition and the bonus of giving us a healthy and strong child.

He has the cutest little birthmark on his belly in the shape of a heart. This picture isn't a good one of it, but it's a darkened patch of skin. I've outlined just beyond the borders.

I haven’t written a word and it is almost impossible to find time to even blog at the moment. I know the experienced mommies are shaking their heads at me, but yes, it’s my blog and I’ll whine if I want to.

I had a short story that was being considered for an anthology, but they wanted it to be longer. No problem, I can see just where it can be extended. Problem, I’ve got no time to do it. I’m not a person who can write on demand. I have to get in the right frame of mind.



I hope you’ve been checking out Anny Cook, Kelly Marstad, Sandra Cox and Jenny Beans. They always have good things to say.

Baby Sounds Abound

A couple of years ago some friends of mine introduced me to a site called icanhascheezburger.com. The images on that site were a particular favorite of my friend Steve who used them in his battle for supremacy, or just survival, as the lone male in a group of female friends. Those of you who read Anny Cook or Sandra Cox’s blogs will also be familiar with this website as Anny in particular often posts pics from it. As I scanned it today I found a couple of pics that were too good to pass up and fit well with the events of my life of late.

The first one is called I Hope You Kept the Receipt. As anyone who pops by here regularly knows, we are having our first baby. We are not unfamiliar with the patter of little feet in our house, it’s just that up to now they’ve mostly been of the four footed or pawed variety. As the birth gets closer we’ve been contemplating just how we anticipate the four dogs who share our home will respond. We’ve heard lost of stories about, and seen plenty of animals at shelters because, the new baby and the pets just didn’t mesh. When it’s an issue of allergies, that’s unpredictable and tragic.

Here is how we anticipate things. Our Brittany, George, will simply look at the baby and walk away. He has no concept of pack order other than that I am the alpha and shows no interest in anything besides food, sleeping in his crate, pointing things in the backyard and occasional pets from the momma. Our Cavalier, Gracie, we foresee being her usual happy, cheerful self and trying to lick the poor babe unrelentingly. The dachshund, Wendell, will most likely be rather nervous and run about squeaking at it. It is our cocker spaniel, Shiloh, that we are most worried about. Shiloh sees her pack in the following order: Momma, Shiloh, and everyone else. She has her space on the couch next to momma and heaven help you if you’re in it. She has to sleep in the momma’s bedroom or she will bark and howl all night. Shi is on medication for separation anxiety and has significant problems with it.

We were reading the books and looking for ways to introduce the baby to the dogs. We ran across the usual advice such as bringing home a blanket that smells like the baby a day or so before baby comes home and let them smell it and get used to it. Another site suggested momma sleep with the receiving blanket one night and wrap the baby in it so the baby’s scent becomes mixed with momma’s. But it was the CD that we found in our local PetSmart that caught our eye the most.

The CD has baby sounds on it. The sounds range from soft cooing to baby talk to crying to a full blown tantrum. The idea is that you play this at increasing volumes while petting and talking to your pet so that they get used to the sounds and aren’t distressed by them. Since we love our dogs and see them as our children as well, we made a lifetime commitment to them when we adopted them, we were willing to give it a try.

Sunday night I put my laptop in the baby’s crib (which I have to remember not to call its crate or people look at you funny) and played the CD. As expected George totally ignored it and laid on the floor waiting for his Mom to rub his stomach. Gracie is mostly deaf. She can hear lower registers and feel vibrations from claps or bangs. The baby’s noises were too high for her and she had no idea what was going on, just that they had finally been allowed to sniff out the baby room. Shiloh barked a bit at first but then settled down and seemed ignore the sounds and enjoyed playing with her pack and checking out the room.

It was my dachshund who had the most profound response. Wendell ran semi circles around the crib whimpering and whining. He tried repeatedly to climb the crib sides and get to whatever was so upset. We have no sheets on the crib yet, so I lifted him up and let him investigate the inside. (Yes, I later wiped it down.) He ran back and forth and finally fixated on one of the hippo decals on the wall. He growled at it and barked at it, keeping himself between the crying laptop and the hippo. I think he believed that whatever was wrong, it was Mr. Hippo’s fault.

The experience was reassuring and amusing for the most part. Wendell and momma will be repeating the exercise until he settles down a bit about the sounds. Oh, the nursery is done. I finally finished the curtains, which I sewed by hand and have only the quilt (which you can’t really use anyway) left to do. I’d post pictures but it’s really very simply done and my batteries just died on my digital camera.

Writing wise, I want to thank everyone who made Lover’s Stone such a well received book. I recently saw my sales figures and was so wonderfully surprised and pleased. Thank you all. I really am still in awe that anyone wants to read my stories and even more flabbergasted that people are willing to buy them. The final book in the Ursine trilogy, Soul Stone, will be released November 19th (my birthday and just a few days before Smudgie will be making his appearance). There will be a contest to go along with it featuring a pendant and earrings as a prize. Soul Stone is not a “Jewel” but it does feature a stone just as the other two did. This time an opal, as when I was writing it I had anticipated it to be an October Jewel. However, Tarris—our hero—was not going to be satisfied with the shorter word count required by the Jewels and demanded his own full-length novel.

Be sure to check out Amarinda Jones, Anny Cook, Sandra Cox and Kelly Kirch for more interesting stuff and just a good bit of fun.

One Battle Won...next?

You may be asking yourself what has inspired my sudden return to blogging, what has caused my absence and what it is that has me giddy and excited. I’m assuming you have a mild interest, hence your stopping here to read.

My absence: completely 100% related to health. I’ve got a myriad (sorry H, I just can’t not put the article in, it sounds wrong) of health concerns going on right now and it sucks. The FDA discontinued my migraine meds a while back and we’ve not found anything to replace them with as nothing works like that particular medication. In addition, I have a blood disorder that is currently doing backflips and has the doctor straining her brain trying to figure out what to do.

No worries about the little one. He’s just fine.

Which brings me to my current giddy and excited state which is why I’ve returned to my blog.

The SO finally caved. I’m getting my way! And yes, I’m gloating shamelessly because the SO doesn’t read this blog. Otherwise I’m handling it with sensitivity and grace. So what was the big victory? I get my pick for the baby’s middle name.

We had compromised to come up with Aidan as a first name and had originally compromised on James as a middle name. I was, however, forbidden to even discuss the idea of referring to the child as AJ. The evil glare was given and the lower lip protruded to emphasize the intensity with which my Precious hates initials for name. However, for some reason I can’t identify--temporary insanity, a sudden blow to the head which I swear I wasn’t responsible for—I have now been told I can use the middle name I’ve wanted all along.

Zarek (Zair-rik)

I know it’s a bit out there and yes, I first read it in a book. (Yeah, Anny, we Kenyon fans can be a bit intense.) While it is generally considered to be Greek, it can actually be traced to Babylonian times as the name and battle cry of a group of Babylonian generals, men who once conquered almost all of their known world. The literal meaning is "God (Lord) save the King."

Aidan means "fiery one" and St. Aidan (Aédén) was known for his gentle approach to the conversion of the people of Northumberland. He walked among them talking and sharing and with his quiet, noble and gentle spirit won the people over to Christianity. When a noble man gave him a mule to ride upon in his missions, he gave it away to a beggar and continued his way on foot.

So he will be Aidan Zarek. Together the names are strong and can be roughly translated as one of my favorite sayings: “Speak softly but carry a big stick.” Besides Zarek is just cool and masculine sounding. I am not a fan of unisex or soft names for boys.

I knew I’d won when I got the SO to laugh about using the name and after me calling the baby “Mamma’s little Z” a few times, my Precious actually used it too. Five minutes later I was being encouraged to pick out a large wooden letter Z to go on his wall. We also hung a large A. We’ve agreed he will go by Aidan officially. But he is Mamma’s little Z.

The nursery is basically done. We need to move the rocking chair up but everything else is in place. I attached the changing pad to the dresser top this morning, put up the wall decals, hung pictures and then tonight put the collapsible changing shelf up and attached it to the side of the dresser.

We also had our last childbirth class tonight and our tour of the hospital, labor and delivery, and the mother/baby unit. We still have a few things to decide, such as about circumcision. I hate the idea of them cutting a piece off my baby’s body when there isn’t really any medical need to. The SO is worried about the stigma and “teasing” that may happen in the future and just looks at me and says, “Everyone does it. It’s the norm.” I’m adding to my argument by the fact that many insurance companies now consider the procedure to be “elective cosmetic surgery” and aren’t covering it.

If there are any moms or grandmas of little boys out there who’d like to give the new mom advice, I’d welcome it too. And the guys. Is it really that big a deal in the locker room if you’re not clipped?

Don't forget, as always, stop by and read Anny Cook, Amarinda Jones, Kelly Kirch and Sandra Cox. They are much better about keeping up with their blogs and are much more entertaining.

And Smudgie is...

And a very proud boy. The tech asked if we wanted to know and we said, "Yes." The minute the ultrasound hit the belly she announces, "Boy." He wanted us to be very sure of that fact, kept flashing the camera. He wouldn't show us his face, kept it covered with his hands. Watching him on the ultrasound was awesome, seeing him kick and move. Can't feel that yet, but it was very cool watching it. The SO got teary and announced just how real it had all suddenly gotten. Seeing a little folded Smudgie was one thing, but this active turning kicking little guy was something else.

We are seriously into the name discussion right now and have it narrowed down to a short list. Kell hates my first choices of Samuel and David and I don't like Dylan or Connor. So what we are working with now is a list of: Aaron, Aidan, Evan, Ian and Kieran. The SO is pushing hard for Aaron and I may give in, even though my first choice would be Evan, because I've not written, and have no plans to write a work with a character named Aaron. I currently have an Evan, Aidan and Ian in a work that has been contracted with Cerridwen Press.

Then again, does it really matter? The kid is probably going to be "Smudgie" for a very long time.

Make sure to check out the blogs of Anny Cook, Amarinda Jones and Kelly Kirch. Anny and Amarinda are planning a contest soon!

Contests Coming Soon!

July 9th marks the release of the sequel to Mating Stone titled Lovers' Stone. Lovers' Stone is the story of two people who are bitter enemies and yet ardent lovers. Trust me, star-crossed doesn't even come close to describing it.

To mark the release I'm going to be running a contest July 7th through 11th for a genuine ruby and diamond necklace with matching ruby stud earrings. Be sure to check back for details.

Interested in winning $50 or $100 in Amazon gift cards? Stop by www.emuse-zine.com and read about the Writer’s Summer Camp to learn how.



It's a weekend of painting around our place. We spent today putting the sealer coat on the walls. The coat of paint put on by the builder was so thin it might just be an illusion. So we sealed the walls in the baby's room and will paint it tomorrow. We have, of course, changed our minds again. *eye roll* We'd chosen white but realized we can't tell whether we actually put the paint on the wall or not. The base color is white, the sealant is white, we can't tell where we painted and not. So today the trip to the home improvement store included buying a paint called Vanilla Latte. I was amazed it only took us three or four color strips to pick one we agreed on. It's the color of a coffee that someone put way to much cream in. A very very light tan. It will match the jungle decals and pictures we are putting up.

We've also had another change of mind related to Smudgie. We still don't know if we have a girl Smudgie or a boy Smudgie. That will have to wait a couple of weeks. But early on we had picked out two names we both agreed on. That wasn't easy, hence the early start on hammering it out. You see, I'm a traditional kinda girl. My family is very connected to each other and giving children family names is just something most of us do. My parents and both of my mother's siblings have sons that are Jr's or II's. The older of my sisters wanted to follow suit but ended up compromising with her husband and using his middle name. Almost all of us have a portion of our name that traces back to a family member. My great grandmother was named for her mother. I was named for my mother's uncle and my father, and right on down to the most recent addition who was named for her daddy's favorite aunt. My darling SO's family has no such family links. A name is a name. And unusual, but modern, names are best. I hate trendy names. Maybe it comes from being a teacher and the nuisance of having six children named Ashley, Amanda, Joshua, Justin, and Caleb in your class each year.

So in the early round we tossed out the new "hot" names: Aedan, Emily, Hannah, Jordan, etc. We also tossed out rather formal names like Addison, Parker, Bentley and others.

We came up with two we liked and we still like the girl's name. Anna Catherine. My great-great grandmother was Anna. My great-grandmother was Anna. My grandmother's middle name was Anna. And I had a great aunt named Catherine, so on my family terms this works. The SO likes it so it's okay.

We'd picked out a boy's name and though we both liked it, it didn't survive the 40 times rule. Someone once said to me that before you decide on a name you have to look at it carefully. ARe there any hurtful nicknames that rise quickly to the mind? Do the initials spell something offensive or humiliating? On both these counts the name we picked met the criteria. It wasn't a family name, but it was an older name, actually biblical in origin. Asher. Asher was one of the sons of Jacob and therefore one of the 12 tribes of Israel.

But Asher hasn't passed the 40 times rule. It goes like this. Imagine yourself over a period of a couple of weeks saying the name 40 or more different times. "Asher stop that." "Asher don't do that." "Asher don't pull the puppy's tail." and on and on and on. For me as much as I liked the name, it just didn't pass the test. I can't see myself using this name over and over and over again. So we are talking about a new name. Not so much a family name, but an older/non-trendy name. It is currently undergoing the 40 times test. The SO seems much less bothered by this than I. I don't think it will start to kick in until we actually know the sex.

JulNoWriMo. Yep. I've decided to do the July version of the NaNoWriMo that is held every November. November is a crazy time for me to try to dedicate to writing 50,000 words in a month. It's the start of the holiday season and it's a busy time at school. So this year I decided to take a piece that I started on a previous NaNoWriMo and do my 50,000 in July finishing this piece. That's the great thing about the July NoWriMo is that you can finish a piece you've already begun. The piece is much more solidly fantasy than romance. Most of my other stuff is mostly romance with fantasy/paranormal bents, but this is fantasy with a bit of romance worked in. It will be a bit different and is a whole different world than any I've had published. It's not the world of Sanctuary and not the world of my Weres.

Problems with Blogger

I've been having problems with blogger letting me post lately so we'll try this again. If it works tomorrow I'll post my new cover and an excerpt.

We went shopping today. We set up our registry at the local Wal Mart and did a bit of shopping. Maternity clothes were on the agenda and we had a bit of luck there. But as we were walking through the home furnishings we saw something that made us rethink our plans for the nursery. You see as usual my plans are grand and broad and involve a great deal of creativity and work. My SO knows this and accepts it as one of the lovely little quirks that is me. So we had our plan.

As we were shopping, we walked past a small row of baby toys and the cutest toy caught my eye. It is a baby blue elephant that is sooooo soft. His tail has a handle and you pull it like a string and it plays the Brahm's Lullabye. I fell in love with it. It is so sweet. It felt like a rather big moment as I stood there holding it. If I bought it it would be the first toy. Something inside me just screamed it was the perfect one. So into the cart it went.

When we reached home furnishings, I spied the cutest appliques for the walls. They were jungle animals like giraffes (of which I am a huge fan-I have a giraffe story I'll have to tell one day), elephants, hippopotomi, lions and others. I then saw two cute pictures of animals in a similar style to the appliques. My grand plan for the nursery shrank significantly as my rational brain latched on to a way to adapt things to be a bit more do-able. So instead of hand painting animals on the wall, we will be putting up appliques. We bought the two small pictures as well and will be looking for a couple of larger prints to fill in the walls.

Get the connection? The SO did not. I had to explain to the poor dear that it was absolutely a sign that this was exactly the right thing to do. I still think the very quick agreement had more to do with the vast difference in the amount of work required by each option than any true acknowledgment that I was right.

The alarm people are due to come tomorrow, finally. They should arrive between 8am and 12pm. I love appointments like that. And they'd better be there because if not someone is going to owe me money for the months we've been paying and they're not getting the signal. I don't care who, but someone will.

Smile Smudgie!

Down to one day before freedom. The kiddies are done, but we teachers are still working today and tomorrow. I have a huge mess in my room to get cleaned up. We have to box up everything, clear everything off the walls, stack chairs and tables. I’m behind because I was sick the last week of school when I normally would have started getting everything together on my planning periods. So after tomorrow, with the exception of some dr. appts, I am free to pursue a life of leisure while I prepare lesson plans and materials for next year. This will include buying and laminating several books for my classroom.

Today was the 12 week ultrasound. Smudgie (as my SO has taken to calling the baby since it appeared as a little grey smudge on a previous ultrasound) has arms, hands, feet and all the wonderful little things a baby is supposed to have while only being the size of a fist. Everything looks good. No idea on sex yet, it’s far too early for that. Will have to wait ‘til next ultrasound. It seems so weird to actually think that there is a real live little person in there. I know that’s the point of pregnancy, but the realization is sort of shocking.

So I thought I’d ask the parents out there for some advice. I read a lot of non-fiction including books about education. I ran across a great book for parents and teachers of boys a couple years ago called The Minds of Boys. It was an awesome look at sex differences through brain based research. How do the minds of young males differ from the minds of young females and yes, there are marked differences. It changed how I taught my male students and actually improved the rapport I was able to develop with them.

So those of you who are parents, other than What to Expect When You’re Expecting, what other parenting books would you recommend?

Sunrise, Sunset

You know the old song from Fiddler on the Roof? The one they sing during the wedding scene? I was reminded of the lyrics to that song today.

"When did she get to be a beauty? When did he grow to be so tall? Wasn't it yesterday when they were small?"

The reason for this sudden journey into the land of show tunes? My oldest nephew just made me a great aunt and my younger sister a grandmother. Yep I said younger. At 24, settled, married, house and job under their belts, he and his wife just brought little Carly into the world. (Spelling may change depending upon when someone tells me for certain.)

I'm telling you it's not possible. Just the other day he was three years old, riding his first bike-that I bought for him- and falling off of it (yes editor of mine, I just typed off of). I know it wasn't more than a day or two ago that he was dressed up like a ninja, running around trick-or-treating. I swear yesterday he was going to his first school dance. He can't possibly be becoming a daddy!

I guess perhaps this has all been a bit more of a bitter pill to swallow since we recently made a very important decision in my house. We've decided to try to have a baby. My SO is 11 years my junior and has just reached the time when having a family has become important. It's been a hard sell for me. I was there about five years ago and thought I had moved on. But now we have decided that it is what we both want.

Only...

I worry that I'm too old. That I won't have enough energy. That I'll be a bad parent. And most terrifying of all, what if it doesn't work? What if now that we are actually going to try, actually going to want this, what if the answer from the great powers that be is, "No"?

So when I look at my nephew I see his youth. I see my lack of it. I see them tackling something that at 24 I was in no way ready for. Something I was afraid to try too soon, and now fear I may have left too late.